Dean, I'm Terrible
by FlyWithBethany
Summary: Song fic based upon 'Tara, I'm Terrible' by The Rocket Summer. It's the perfect Dean/Cas song and I hope you all agree. For once I actually like my writing, I hope you do to.


Song credit goes to The Rocket Summer. I own nothing.

I really hope you like this. I tried hard and I enjoyed writing a song fic. Please let me know, it'll mean a lot 3. I love you. Enjoy.

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**"**_Reminisce, thinking about the days we don't miss_

_Hit the bottom when I fell, but oh well."_

Falling hurts. Losing your grace hurts. I tried to fall gracefully – ironic I know. I really tried, but I failed. I fell so hard that nothing could drown out the emptiness I was feeling. I drowned myself in liquor, drugs and sex. I didn't care what was happening to me as long as I didn't feel myself. For two years I was never fully awake but never asleep either. I couldn't tell night from day and it wasn't an issue where I woke up. Through all this, for some reason, you stuck by me. Never letting me wake up in the gutter; never letting me leave with a shady stranger. **Thank you.**

_"And I could stay here stuck._

_Thinking about the days of bad luck._

_I'll get lost in your voice,_

_It's an easy choice."_

I remember some nights when I wasn't too far gone, hearing you talk to me. I think you thought I was asleep, but I wasn't always. Sometimes I'd fight sleep to stay awake and listen to you talk nonsense to me. You always talked about the stupidest of things but they meant something to me. They kept me living, those silly stories. They made it possible for me to wake up. You have a voice powerful enough to make a room full of people listen but instead you were telling me stories from your childhood and stroking my hair. **Thank you.**

_"And something in your smile,_

_Says everything's gonna be alright._

_Wasn't always this easy_

_It wasn't always like it was today."_

When I started afresh and made the decision to be clean, you smiled. It's a smile I'll never forget. You looked like I'd told you the happiest news in the world. For a moment I was startled, thinking you'd misheard me. I never truly believed it was a big deal to you, I thought you were sticking by me because you felt you had to. But that smile changed everything. It changed how I felt about my life and most importantly, it changed how I felt about you. It was finally clear to me how much you cared and how much of a strain I was to you. I vowed, from the moment on, to never hit the bottom again. You know something? I'm higher than ever. **Thank you.**

_"What are your dreams?_

_Tell me what they are and I'll believe._

_An angel without wings,_

_To the sweetest things."_

In those two years you never once did something for yourself. Not once did you do something on a whim. Instead you had to pull me from strangers and drive me home almost every night. For that I am sorry. I was so selfish and I should have asked you, I should have made you go out and see the world. You could have left me anytime, but you never once did. So now I ask you everyday, "What are your dreams for the day" and you tell me. You've never once laughed. Sometimes it will be something simple like driving on an open road or going to the shop but it doesn't matter. Your dreams are more important to me than anything, I'll take you anywhere, I'll make up for the lost time. Seeing that smile when your dreams come true is worth more to me than life itself. **Thank you.**

_"And all the songs we've sung,_

_Listening to how far we've come._

_To secret stones we've sailed,_

_But today prevailed."_

It's hard to believe we're the same people of two years ago. Myself, the fallen angel who crash landed at the bottom and stayed there. You, the hunter who never once gave up and left me. In the past year not a drop of alcohol has passed my lips and you tell me this everyday. You know the number of days it's been since I told you I was going clean, you write the damned numbers on the calendars and make a big show of crossing it off every night. I act passive but I secretly love it. I love that you care enough to count the days. I've never felt so loved. **Thank you.**

_"And something in your smile,_

_Says everything's gonna be alright._

_Wasn't always this easy_

_It wasn't always like it was today._

_And I will hold on to this moment_

_This memory, so sweet."_

I could never tell you how happy you've made me. I've never known a feeling like this and I could find the words to describe it. When I wake up you're either pressed against me or whistling in the kitchen. I never thought it was possible to whistle to ACDC but you make it possible. Just like how you make everything possible. If I asked for the sky you'd probably try and get it for me. When I feel down, you're there with a cheesy movie and a blanket. If I'm happy you're there with that breathtaking smile and a song. I never thought I'd pull through everything and never did I think you'd be there for me if I did. But here you are, lying besides me, meaning more to me than you could ever know. **Thank you.**

_"And '__**Dean'**__, I'm terrible,_

_For telling the whole world_

_About how you're so terribly_

_Tolerant of my crazy antics."_


End file.
